blog | about | contact | origins | help
 
  
Share |

I am a 52 years old man, raised Conservative, who has had to contend with autism my entire life. Oftentimes it is not the condition which affects me more than it is peoples' attitudes towards it. For example, back in my early 20's I was back East working on my Master's degree and had ample opportunity to at least consider dating Jewish women. However, the two that I hit it off with dropped me quicker than a hot potato once their parents learned from my parents that I have autism. Back then (30 years ago), it was considered by such families as grounds to be an unsuitable suitor, much like a family history of cancer or mental illnesses also was then in those days. I had far more successful relationships with women of other faiths who themselves or whose families were a whole lot less judgmental regarding either the fact that I am Jewish OR have autism. The Jewish families who interviewed me said I was unsuitable for their daughters, and had given me to understand that I was not obligated to marry because my disability had made me expendable, and that my progeny were not essential to maintaining the numbers of their people. I took them at their word and married out, so I wouldn't live a lonely and childless life. Did I settle? Yes. Because life is unfair, and one can only make the best with what one is given. I decided that with such a cold reception I would take a cold and hard look at what Jewish life meant to me, and I decided that martyring my chances to be married by waiting for the right one to come, just to sanctify God's name, was far more than I reasonably expected God to ask of me, because the autism issue would come up each and every time I sought a besheret (soulmate/match). I am asking what Judaism would say to me today in light of the situation I found, and the choices I made. [Administrator's note: A somewhat related question appears at http://www.jewishvaluesonline.org/question.php?id=860.]




LATEST BLOGS  view all blog entries

I Guess They Think All Jews Are From Europe

Posted on 08/09/2018 by Moshe Daniel Levine in Israel
A mixture of a California wildfire forcing an early end to a camping trip, Los Angeles afternoon traffic, and a wrong turn...

Repairing The World With Israeli Ingenuity

Posted on 08/07/2018 by Rivkah Lambert Adler in Reviews
I used to think that being Or LaGoyim, a light unto the nations meant that, if the Jews would create a perfect society, the...

As a Homeless Man Sleeps in Jerusalem

Posted on 08/03/2018 by Moshe Daniel Levine in Beliefs and Practices
Wandering through the streets of Jerusalem on a summer afternoon one can’t help but feel a deep sense of pride in the...

What A 6 Year-Old Got Right

Posted on 07/29/2018 by Rabbi Elan Adler in Beliefs and Practices
Since coming to Israel eight years ago, I’ve done a lot of personal counseling in the Jerusalem area. As a synagogue...

What the Birthright Walkouts Really Accomplish

Posted on 07/29/2018 by Moshe Daniel Levine in News & Updates
In the early 12th century, a wealthy Spanish Jew left the dinner table early to the dismay of his wife and young daughter....

How I made Yeridah and Stayed Israeli

Posted on 07/24/2018 by Jacob Schwartz in Israel
“What?! You’re from California?! Why on earth are you here?!?!” Six years later and these words are still...
JVO Panel  of Scholars
           
 
NOW ADD JVO CONTENT TO
YOUR WEBSITE A FREE SERVICE
 
Click here for instructions to embed the
JVO "JEW Q's" widget on your website.
 
Jewish Values Online | email: info@jewishvaluesonline.org

Home | Search For Answers | Ask A Question | About | Contact Us | OriginsUseful Links | Blog | Help | Site Map

Copyright 2014 all rights reserved. Jewish Values Online
 
N O T I C E
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN ANSWERS PROVIDED HEREIN ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL JVO PANEL MEMBERS, AND DO NOT
NECESSARILY REFLECT OR REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF THE ORTHODOX, CONSERVATIVE OR REFORM MOVEMENTS, RESPECTIVELY.