blog | about | contact | origins | help
 
  
Share |

My oldest daughter, now 15, has for most of her life lived and acted like a tomboy, rejecting most everything traditionally associated with femininity: dresses, long hair, girls' sports, etc. None of this was really an issue . . . we simply accepted her for who she was. About two years ago she began to develop some mental health issues and after seeing a number of specialists, it's been determined that my eldest is actually transgender, a boy born into a girl's body. Knowing this and what happens next is, of course, complicated. Part of the initial course of acceptance - and we accept this without condition - is that we all make the shift of referring to her now as "he" or "him". He has legally changed his name to a boy's name and his new birth certificate indicates he is male. He will be able to get a driver's license and passport that shows his gender as male as well. Meanwhile, nothing is being done surgically and he is not even taking testosterone. I've had a few discussions with my rabbi about things like a name change, having a bar mitzvah, etc. but it is early in the process. That said, it's dawned on me over the past few weeks that I no longer have a daughter. She is gone. The person, the life I thought would be there is no longer. It's not a death, per se, but it is a growing emotional loss. My question is "How do I mourn or grieve this loss?" It obviously doesn't rise to the level of sitting shiva but I've recently felt tempted to stand for the Mourner's Kaddish. Is that too much or inappropriate?




LATEST BLOGS  view all blog entries

On Books, Money and Jewish Women

Posted on 02/11/2019 by Rivkah Lambert Adler in Beliefs and Practices
This is a true story about an honest Jewish teenager. And about how Torah guidelines contribute to a more civilized society....

No, Zionism has Nothing to do with Religion

Posted on 02/10/2019 by Moshe Daniel Levine in News & Updates
If you were to step back in time into early-nineteenth century European Jewry and told people that in about a century their...

A Jew at the Rave?

Posted on 02/10/2019 by Jacob Schwartz in Beliefs and Practices
B”SD It’s a dark and stormy night. I get out of a car somewhere off a highway exit at the mouth of a national...

Drinking from the Dead Sea & Israeli-Palestinan Peace

Posted on 02/10/2019 by Moshe Daniel Levine in News & Updates
Imagine taking a trip to the Dead Sea, swimming about a couple of yards out, bending over, and drinking a nice gulp of water...

Being Charged to Address the Needs of Others

Posted on 02/10/2019 by Rabbi Yaakov Bieler in Beliefs and Practices
The Talmud views the centrality of Psalm 145 in Jewish liturgy as something extremely spiritually vibrant. Berachot 4aR....

The Warmth of Human Kindness

Posted on 02/06/2019 by Guest Blogger in Beliefs and Practices
Reflections on a woman’s small act of kindness that changed the course of Rav Shach’s life, as well as the...
JVO Panel  of Scholars
           
 
NOW ADD JVO CONTENT TO
YOUR WEBSITE A FREE SERVICE
 
Click here for instructions to embed the
JVO "JEW Q's" widget on your website.
 
Jewish Values Online

Home | Search For Answers | Ask A Question | About | Contact Us | OriginsUseful Links | Blog | Help | Site Map

Copyright 2014 all rights reserved. Jewish Values Online
 
N O T I C E
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN ANSWERS PROVIDED HEREIN ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL JVO PANEL MEMBERS, AND DO NOT
NECESSARILY REFLECT OR REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF THE ORTHODOX, CONSERVATIVE OR REFORM MOVEMENTS, RESPECTIVELY.