Question: This question appeared in the New York Times Magazine: Is it ethical to buy something at a yard sale or a flea market at the seller's asking price if you know the value of the item to be significantly higher than what is being asked? Let's say, for example, someone is selling an old comic book worth thousands of dollars but asks for only a quarter because he or she does not know the true value. Is it incumbent on the seller to do his or her research? If the seller does not, is it fair game? Does the buyer have any obligation to inform the seller?
Our tradition holds us to a high standard of ethical practice in business. The earliest layer of compiled Oral Torah, the Mishna states that it is possible to defraud both as a seller and a buyer. We are not even supposed to “steal” a sellers time with words if we are not genuinely interested in purchasing a product we are be looking at (M Bava Metzia 4:4). If you know an item is genuinely worth significantly more than what the seller is aware, the most ethical route is to inform the seller of the error. One is permitted to negotiate a fair price, but not to defraud another.
If you would like to read more about the Conservative Movement’s take on this issue, I recommend The Observant Life edited by Martin Cohen. See the chapter on commerce, written by Rabbi Jacob Blumenthal.
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Question: I came upon a group called the Black Hebrew Israelites in New York when I was there a couple of days ago and they were talking about how they are the first original Jews and that the whites are trying to replace them. Is this true and do they have any proof like genetics that can see if they are really the original Jews?
What if we could prove or disprove the claim of originality you heard? Would it change anything about Jews who are black, white, or any other racial heritage? As far as I know, we can't verify the claim of originality. Even if we could, I don't believe it would make any difference to my Judaism. Say I wasn't "first" or "original," my authenticity as a Jew is not affected in the least.
As far as the accusation of replacement, I react with incredulity and wonder. Judaism should be colorblind. I beloeve strongly that a Jew of color is no different in the eyes of God than a Jew who was born white. I wonder what pain this individual has experienced to cause him to claim that"whites" are trying to replace them.
I pray for the day that we all can own our Jewish identity fully, that authenticity is not a matter of lineage or heritage alone, but of the practice of Mitzvot, the study of Torah, and commitment to the betterment of our people and this world.
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Question: My brother recently married a non-Jewish woman. I went to the wedding, not because I wanted to, but because my mother insisted I go. My husband and I sat in a corner with our kosher store-bought sandwiches (no kosher food in sight) and made a presence. It was a very uncomfortable evening, and has led to even more questions for me. I love my brother very much and want to be part of his life, but I truly do not want to be around his non-Jewish wife. We do not live in the same city, so it's not like we run into each other frequently, but I am not sure what I am supposed to do for the occasions that we do meet. I would consider myself modern Orthodox and my brother has gone beyond non-observant; he now considers himself an atheist. What is the Jewish view on these situations? Does one just try to be polite to the non-Jewish spouse to maintain a relationship with the Jewish family member? My husband and I hope to have a family soon. How do you handle exposing your children to something you are teaching them is wrong? I know the fact that I do not want to be at a table (or in the same room) as his wife hurts my mother tremendously (she does not like what my brother has done either, but fears losing him). Is my difficulty with my brother and his wife a lack of respect for my mother as her children cannot spend quality time together? I know there are several questions listed here. I thank you in advance for your assistance with this.
Thank you for the question. I’d like to address it through the value of “shalom.” I understand why your brother’s non-Jewish wife is offensive to you. There are indeed many sources, both ancient and modern that condemn intermarriage as an complete abandonment of Judaism.
Let’s consider a famous biblical source – that of Pinchas. I’m sure you’re familiar with the story; male Jews are cohabitating with Midianite women. God is angry about this and announces a harsh punishment to the Jewish people. While the Israelites are weeping, an Israelite man and a Midianite woman are seen “l’einei Moshe u’leinei kol adat b’nei yisrael” In the eyes of Moses and the children of Israel.
Pinchas takes a spear and stabbed both of them through the belly. For this he is awarded a brit shalom – a covenant of peace. One way to get to shalom, which is very close the word shalem or wholeness, is by cutting out anything that is not “you.” Having no contact with anything you disagree with ensures a peaceful existence. However, the “vav” of shalom, is always written as a broken “vav” in our Sifrei Torah. Cutting out what is not “us” is peace, but it is, in my opinion, a broken peace. Many in the Orthodox community go to great lengths to achieve this kind of peace. If you hear of wanting to shut out the outside world, restrict reading to sifrei kodesh, cut out internet, television, etc. Live in only observant communities and actively discourage “intruders,” This peace can exist in the world. But is it true peace?
I will offer you two alternative examples from our tradition that describe the value of “shalom.”
We are to give to the Jewish and non-Jewish poor, “mipnei darchei shalom, because of the ways of peace.” It is fair to assume that the non-Jewish world was not as friendly or understanding of traditional Judaism as it is today. So perhaps the reason for darchei shalom is simply for our physical protection. It is also true to say that, at times, the value of peace with our non-Jewish neighbors trumped a Jewish value of separation from the non-Jewish world.
Finally, consider one of our sources for Shalom Bayit, peace in the home. “Rava said, it is obvious to me that there is a fixed list of priorities. When a person is poor and must choose between purchasing oil to light a Shabbat lamp for his home or purchasing oil to light a Hanukkah lamp,” the Shabbat lamp for his home takes precedence.” That is due to shalom bayit.” (Shabbat 23b – Steinsaltz translation) Hanukkah is a story of victory over non-Jews and rededicating our most holy space. Shabbat is a time set aside for holiness and for family. I think Rava would suggest that family takes precedence. Shalom Bayit is worth prioritizing.
You describe yourself as “Modern Orthodox.” The “modern” part of that suggests to me that you are able to live in the modern world, and interact with the modern world, without changing your Jewish values. It seems to me that mipnei darkhei shalom and shalom bayit overlap. Not to mention kibbud av v’em (honoring our parents). This may be difficult, but ultimately could be strengthen your Judaism.
I’ll conclude with a lovely Midrash from Tanchuma on Parashat Shelach Lecha. Moses sends scouts to see whether the people of the land are strong or weak, whether their cities are opened or fortified. The midrash suggests that those cities that are open, its people are strong. Those cities that are fortified, its people are weak. Openness to difference is strength, and can bring complete, and not broken shalom.
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Question: What should I do if my child is in school and the teachers are making him do a bunch of Christmas things like decorating the tree and making ornaments? Do I let him participate? We are a Jewish family and I am concerned. I don't want him to be forced to do Christian religious things, but I also don't want him to feel isolated and left out.
Thank you for your question. It is one I relate to well. In my elementary school classes in Pensacola, Florida, I was often the only Jew. It seemed like every year my class was involved in making Christmas tree ornaments or decorating eggs for the school-wide Easter egg hunt. This was all in public school.
My parents made clear to the school that I would be permitted to be involved in parallel activities whenever the class was involved in a religious themed tradition. In fact, each year I would present a different aspect of my tradition to my non-Jewish classmates. One year my parents arranged for me to teach how to play dreidel to the rest of the class. Another year we brought latkes to share with the class.
Instead of having to choose between participating in activities with Christian overtones or being completely left out, see these moments as opportunities to challenge your child with sharing Judaism broadly.
Even 20 years ago in a small Southern town, non-Jews are open, accepting, and curious about Judaism. We have the opportunity to share the beauty of our tradition widely. Those formative experiences of sharing my Judaism, which made me special and unique, led directly to my identity as a passionate Jewish leader.
May your family continue to be blessed with a strong, passionate Jewish identity that can rise to the challenges of living in a largely non-Jewish world.
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Question: What are Jewish values when it comes to work and working?
Torah begins with God’s “work,” the act of creation. God’s work becomes the source for us to also be involved in work for six days a week. In the 10 commandments it is stated clearly, “Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is Shabbat of the Lord your God” (Ex. 20:9). That we should be involved in some kind of work or labor, some act of contributing whatever our talents might be to the furthering of God’s creation is a Jewish value.
Supporting ourselves (and others) economically is also valuable. “If there is no flour, there can be no Torah” (Pirkei Avot 3:21). Our labor should provide compensation which supports ourselves, our families, and allows us to contribute tzedakah for those who have fallen on hard times.
There are whole volumes of Jewish law and lore dedicated to the labor relationship between employer and employee. For an excellent analysis on Jewish values regarding the justice of that relationship, I recommend Rabbi Aryeh Cohen’s new book, Justice in the City. Questions like, "What is appropriate compensation" and "What are the obligations of the employee to the employer and vice versa"
I hope I've begun to approach the answer to your question. If you'd like to email me or post a more specific question to what you're interested about, please feel free.
Rabbi Ari Kaiman
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Question: What are the obligations of the community to the individual?
What is the responsibility of a synagogue to a Jewish member,specifically in terms of helping that congregant deal with extraordinary stresses of his/her life?
What responsibility does the community organization have to that member, and particularly in regard to informing them of consequences of their behavior in advance?
I know of a case in which an active member of the Jewish community (one who has contributed much time to the synagogue and has been extremely supportive to individuals in need) was ordered not to continue to have contact with the clergy for personal matters as a condition of continued membership. When the member violated this restriction (by leaving a telephone message for a clergy person when in distress), the congregant was told she/he could not at any time enter the doors of the synagogue at the threat of calling the police.
The congregant did not receive advanced notice of this, but was told by a custodian upon coming to services that she/he could not enter.
What Jewish values address this situation?
Before answering the questions, I would like to offer my hope and prayer that whatever distress or crises this particular Jew was in has passed. It seems that the challenges of life have boiled over and also become rather severe challenges with the Jewish community. It is quite a sad situation when a member of the Jewish community is shunned in this way.
I will try and answer your questions as I understand them. There are Jewish values that address a community obligation to an individual, but only in certain circumstances. For example, every community should create a communal fund to help take care of the basic needs of the poor. Communities are required to leverage the communal resources in order to redeem captives.
Individuals should strive to fulfill supportive mitzvot like visiting the sick and welcoming guests. We should all strive to give appropriate tzedakah to communal funds.
However, our tradition is also clear that there are limits to what individuals should give. We are all obligated to give tzedakah. There are recommended guidelines for how much is appropriate to give. One can be miserly and still fulfill the obligation of tzedakah. If one is so generous that they make themselves poor in the process, Maimonides states that person is acting foolishly. Even in holy obligations, there are boundaries and limits for both the minimum and maximum.
Without knowing more information, it is impossible to speak to the "order" to not contact the clergy for personal matters. The closest equivalent that comes to mind is the concept of "cherem" or excommunication. While outdated and rarely if ever formally used, the idea is that a community can punish a person who is behaving in an inappropriate way by shunning that person. Unlike other religions, cherem is not permanent, it's more like a "time-out." I must wonder what circumstances led to such a draconian decree as was placed on this individual.
The specific situation of the congregant being informed of being banned from the synagogue by the custodian seems to me an unfortunate and sad error. If this caused the congregant embarrassment, which it sounds embarrassing to me, then an error was made.
Synagogues should strive to be welcoming, inclusive, caring communities, to the best of their abilities. So too, Klei Kodesh (clergy) should strive to meet the needs of congregants, to the limits of ability. When those limits are reached, boundaries must be drawn. It is sad that in this case, boundaries exclude an individual from the community. Hopefully there are other synagogues or temples in the community where this individual lives that can better meet his or her needs. Choice of community effectively makes the decree of cherem null. I pray that a good resolution is in the near future for this sad story.
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Question: My girlfriend and I are both in our 40s. We are both divorced and have children, the youngest of which is in high school. I am Jewish (Conservative), and she is non-Jewish. We have known each other for several years, and recently our relationship took a more serious turn, and I have found it difficult to find any resources that speak to this situation. In short, every thing I have read about intermarriage goes very quickly to "the kids." We will not be having children together, so these other resources seem to get very irrelevant very quickly. In addition to any help finding appropriate resources, I would be interested in any type of experiences you have had and what issues came up etc. Thank you all very much.
Congratulations on finding someone you love to share your life with. I wish you and your partner much happiness in your future life together.
Tthe best resources I recommend about intermarriage from a Jewish perspective are the Jewish Outreach Institute (www.joi.org) and www.interfaithfamily.com. These websites contain massive bibliographies of books that speak from a Jewish perspective to all kinds of unique situations. They also contain directories of local resources for wherever you may live.
I hope you are able to find resources that speak to your specific situation, knowing that more children are not in your future.
You are entering a new partnership, where your values and your traditions will be coming together. In any premarital counseling situation, I would ask the future partners to share hopes and fears with one another. Are you concerned about your role in the Jewish community if you are married to a non-Jew? Are you concerned about your future partner’s relationship to Judaism? How will you negotiate holiday observances? There are solutions for all questions, and I am sure you will find ways to address them together. Simply asking on this website demonstrates you are beginning to think these questions through..
Not so long ago, intermarriage was the number one fear in the Jewish community. Many of our leaders were sure that marriage out of the tradition would be the end of Judaism. To this day, Conservative rabbis will not officiate a wedding between a Jew and a non-Jew. Yet, most Conservative shuls will welcome your non-Jewish partner with open arms. My congregation certainly does. Judaism is not diluted by the presence on non-Jews experiencing our rituals and culture. I sincerely hope that your spouse chooses a path of understanding Judaism, if not embracing it herself.
The best resource for addressing your unique need is your local rabbi. No online forum can replace the connection that is helpful in this kind of situation. Even if this rabbi will not officiate the wedding, it is likely that this rabbi will desire to be there for you and your future partner as a Jewish resource, and as a loving representative of the Jewish community. If you happen to be in or near Saint Louis, I’d be happy to meet in person.
Again, I wish you and your partner many years of love together!
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Question: An Orthodox Jewish day school, joined a local sports organization that played games on Shabbat, though the school itself never violated the Sabbath. Should they never have joined in the first place? In other words, as Jews, do we have an obligation to distance ourselves from situations if we know there may be a conflict with our religious principles?
A great deal of our tradition is based on the assumption that we will be in situations which could conflict with our religious principals.
Check out Avodah Zarah, 3:4. Rabban Gamaliel is bathing in a bath house where a statue of Aphrodite was present. A son of a philosopher asks Rabban Gamliel if he was violating Jewish law.
Gamliel replied,
"àéï àåîøéí ðòùä îøçõ ìàôøåãéèé ðåé, àìà àåîøéí ðàùä àôøåãéèé ðåé ìîøçõ" They do not say, Let us make a bath as an adornment for Aphrodite, but rather, let us make an Aphrodite as an adornment for the bath
We have always lived in relationship to a world with different religious principles than our own. We as Jews have obligations to our Jewish law, but our Jewish law does not ask that we distance ourselves from every situation that may conflict with our Jewish values. Rabban Gamliel did not forbid himself from the bath simply because someone put an Aphrodite statue there. He knew his true values and was not afraid of a potential violation in this case.
In the same way, it is my understanding that Beren Academy was willing to forfeit the game if there a choice had to be made. They prioritized Judaism over basketball, even if it meant sacrifice. We only heard about this everyday sacrifice because of the extraordinary circumstances that allowed the team to pursue their athletic and religious success. Yet, if the fine boys of Beren Academy were forced to choose, their choice - though difficult, was clear.
As long as each Jew knows how to stand by our religious principals, there is no need to distance ourselves from the world. There will always be situations that conflict, but if we know who we are, we are able to learn and enjoy much from the non-Jewish world.
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