All Questions Answered by Rabbi Harold Kudan (Emeritus)
Question: My neighbor strongly objects to my planting of a specfic grass type (Zoysia grass) saying that it will eventually overtake his lawn and he does not want Zoysia grass. Is there any Jewish moral reason why I must be considerate of his feelings?
If your action( planting Zoysia grass ) will affect your neighbor, then there is a Jewish moral reason to be considerate of his feeling. You have to be absolutely sure that there will be no ill effect from your grass to your neighbor’s lawn. While we Jews might disagree on ritual matters, I believe we concur when it comes to moral issues and this is one of them.
There is a midrash( rabbinic anecdote) that illustrates the above situation. Neighbor a had an apartment over neighbor b. After a monster rain , the ground settled and it was necessary to prop up the building underneath with supports. Neighbor b thought neighbor a should share in the expense of the repair. Neighbor a said he didn’t feel obligated as his property was unharmed. The Bet Din ( rabbinic court) ruled that neighbor a did have a responsibility to share in the cost on the grounds that his apartment now was invading the space of neighbor a.
I would suggest that the situation of neighbor a and neighbor b is analogous to your situation. Hillel put is quite succinctly, That which is hateful to you , do not do to others. Or, to quote my favorite Biblical passage, (Lev. 19) Love thy neighbor as thyself.
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Question: Can you explain the value behind various Kosher certifications? Do all of them take the same things into consideration? If so - why so many? How did a commandment get politicized? And if not - what are the various considerations?
Can you explain the value behind various Kosher certifications? Do all of them take the same things into consideration? If so - why so many? How did a commandment get politicized? And if not - what are the various considerations?
As a Reform Rabbi, I believe in the right of autonomy when it comes to ritual matters. This is ,of course, not acceptable to my more traditional colleagues. Therefore, the fullresponse to this question has to come from a conservative or orthodox Rabbi. Nevertheless, with that caveat, I would suggest the following . The laws of Kashrut are rooted in the Torah, where it is indicated what animals, birds, and fish may or may not be eaten. There is one verse, repeated three times, that says “ you shall not boil the kid in its mothers milk” .According to Reform Judaism , that refers to a pagan practice. For traditional Jews, it is an injunction against having milk and meat products at the same time.( Various countries have their own rules as to how long on e has to wait after eating meat before consuming milk)
The difference in kosher certification is due to a need on the part of some to eat meat products, ( and otherproducts,as well ) , whereon e knows who issued the certificate. The leading Shochet of Cincinnati, many years ago, who supervised and certified the other shochets of the community, would only eat meat that he had personally killed. The basic premise is that one must be sure not to wittingly or unwittingly, violate the law.
A Chassidic rabbi told me that every certification is truly kosher, but it is a matter of individual preference.
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Question: What is the Jewish view on royalty and all its ceremonies? Watching the rotal wedding I was struck by how very worship-y it all seemed....
Judaism has had an interesting relationship with royalty, ever since the days of the Bible. In the Bible, the people are told not to have kings, but the people wanted to be like everyone else, so God, supposedly, has a change of heart and says it is ok for the people to have a king. The first king is Saul, chosen because he is tall!!In the Bible later kings are told that they must have their own Torah, as a constant reminder of their responsibilities. As far as non-Jewish royalty is concerned, there is even a blessing that one is to say when one sees them. ( I am not sure if seeing them on tv requires the saying of the bracha.)
In countries where there are kings and queens, such as England, the Jewish community says prayers on their behalf at worship services. In our country, we say prayers for our elected and appointed officials.
The royal wedding was indeed “worshipy” as the head of the church is the queen and there is no separation of church and state , as in the U.S. The closest we have to such a situation is a wedding in the White House, or , perhaps, the Clinton wedding which was supposed to be private, but was given lots of attention.
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Question: I recently offered to help at the house of a close relative that was sitting shiva for her mother. Both non-kosher food trays and kosher food trays were being brought into the house. The people sitting shiva were not shomer kashrut. I felt uncomfortable with the situation as I didn’t want to serve the people sitting shiva from the non-kosher food trays, and I also didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable or embarrass them during their shiva period. Would it be permissible for me to serve them food if they requested food from the non-kosher food tray? Are there less stringencies if the food tray was dairy versus meat?
You indicate that the family in mourning is not shomer kashrut. Therefore , your concerns about kosher food is really your concern and not theirs. There is no problem in serving them food from the non kosher food tray. You are not the one eating the food. The additional question about dairy and meat is interesting. Did you mean meat and dairy together? If so, there is no Biblical injunction against having meat and dairy foods together. It is only a later tradition based on a mistaken interpretation of the verse, do not boil the kid in its mothers milk. The dairy tray cannot be trayf as far as Reform is concerned. More traditional respondents would question where the food was prepared,was the establishment kosher, etc. All concerns that are not germane to (most in) Reform Judaism. Meat is a different matter. Again , it all depends on who defines kosher. My chassidic relatives do not eat food from Hebrew National as it is not kosher enough. Reform Jews have to decide what they wish to observe in terms of kashrut.
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Question: Many families sing Chanukah songs before lighting the menorah, unlike on Shabbat, when the candles are lit before we say the blessings. Is that how it should be or are we supposed to refrain from singing songs and reciting the Chanukah blessings until the menorah has been lit? What is the proper way to do this in Judaism?
Many families sing Chanukah songs before lighting the menorah, unlike on Shabbat, when the candles are lit before we say the blessings. Is that how it should be or are we supposed to refrain from singing songs and reciting the Chanukah blessings until the menorah has been lit? What is the proper way to do this in Judaism?
This question reaches to the very heart of Reform Judaism. In Reform Judaism, there is a distinction between ethics and rituals. Ethical behavior is required of us and we should act on the highest principles of Judaism. Ritual behavior is a matter of individual choice. For example, Passover is observed to many different degrees depending on the desire of the individual. For some, it may be refraining from bread during the seven days. For others, it is not eating anything that might be considered Chometz. And there are those, who observe Passover, by eating matza and not following any of the other dietary prohibitions that are binding on the Orthodox and Conservative Judaism. Autonomy is a hallmark of Reform Judaism when it comes to ritual behavior.
Thus, to the question, there is no right or wrong answer as to when to sing Chanukah songs. Do whatever feels right and enjoy. In my temple, there were times when we lit the Chanukah candles during the Friday Night service (after having lit the Sabbath candles at the beginning of the service) I did this to maximize the significance of the Chanukah lights and to involve the congregation in the activity.
Ritual is important as a reminder, not the ritual itself. The putting up the mezuzah is of little value if the people in the home neglect following the commandments of which the mezuzah is a reminder.
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Question: Everyone knows most affairs happen at work and its easy to see why. Now that I am married, I'd like avoid that ever happening to our marriage, but I am so used to the banter and the latent sexual edge of office life. Are there any Jewish guidelines that can help me stay true to myself, true to my wife, and still a part of the office crowd?
Everyone knows most affairs happen at work and its easy to see why. Now that I am married, I'd like avoid that ever happening to our marriage, but I am so used to the banter and the latent sexual edge of office life. Are there any Jewish guidelines that can help me stay true to myself, true to my wife, and still a part of the office crowd?
Judaism has never been afraid of the sexual urge, recognizing that it is part of the human condition. Tradition says we are born with two “yetzers”, or inclinations. On e is the inclination for good and the other inclination bad. Strangely enough , the bad inclination is not really bad, only if carried to an extreme or in unworthy pursuits. Thus, having sex with one’s spouse is really good, while indulging in extra marital affairs is not good. The Bible and the Talmud are replete with people ( even our “heroes”) who have been tempted .Some failed, and others did not.ave been tempted .Some failed, and others did not.
The Jewish guideline I would suggest is from the Shema.It says, “these words shall be on your heart, and frontlets before your eyes” as a constant reminder. In the same vein, your wedding ring should be a constant reminder of who you are and the principles that you aspire to. Respect for yourself and your mate should always be uppermost in your thoughts and deeds. Unlike Christianity, desire for someone else is not a sin, only acting on it As our tradition says, be strong and of good courage.
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Question: I work for a web marketing company and I know that they work with casinos, which I don't love, but can live with. However, I just learned that they have taken on a porn site as a client. My job is to build links and it doesn't require me viewing the material. But is it forbidden for me to in any way aid this industry? Or is it just part of my job?
I work for a web marketing company and I know that they work with casinos, which I don’t love, but can live with. However, I just learned that they have taken on a porn site as a client. My job is to build links and it doesn’t require me viewing the material. But is it forbidden for me to in any way aid this industry? Or is it just part of my job?
I believe that this question is more a question of one’s own moral views. Judaism does not prohibit gambling ( at least one famous rabbi was a creator of playing cards) nor does it prohibit pornography per se. It does view these activities of wasteful of one’s time and energy. Child pornography would be an entirely different matter as well as showing explicit pornography to minors. The verse from Leviticus 19 states “ Do not put a stumbling block before the blind”. Young people need to be protected. If it bothers you to paricipate in any way with this work, you should resign rather than feel resentment that you are required to be a part of something of which you do not approve.
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Question: Is there a problem accepting a business loan from a close Jewish relative with the understanding that the loan will be paid back with an extemely low interest rate, considering that Jewish law prohibits a Jew from charging another Jew interest.
In this question , we see the difference in the response of Reform Judaism to the other branches of Judaism. In Reform, Jewish law has a vote , but not a veto as one of our teachers said. We do look to Jewish law and tradition and examine whether it has stood the test of time, judging whether or not it is applicable to our time. A similar situation is in the Biblical injunction against women wearing men’s clothing. Today women wear garments worn usually by men and there is no sense that this is any way wrong. So, to the issue of accepting a loan from a relative at a low rate. The problem is whether it is in the interest of the borrower that he engage in such a transaction. From the question, it seems as if the lender is doing a favor by extending such a loan. One can extrapolate to the situation of Israel. It was in desparate need of funds and turned to the expedient of creating the Israel Bonds. This enabled huge sums to be lent to Israel when it was needed, and which could not have been possible by direct contributions.
Jewish law tries to be practical and also protect the poor and the needy. How unlike our American laws that protect credit card companies and other credit agencies such as PayDay that allows them to charge usorious rates of interest . The poorest of our community are the most injured!
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Question: I am very disturbed by the wasteful behavior at my synagogue. Every Kiddush after shul uses tons and tons of disposable goods, throws out a lot of half eaten food and half consumed plastic bottles of soda. Isn’t there a massive level of communal sin in this type of disposable behavior, particularly as our landfills overflow and our economy is so bad. How is this Jewish behavior?
This is a question that has troubled the Jewish community for some time,and now we have the added concern for our environment. Before I answer the question, did you really mean “tons and tons” . I have to assume it is a case of hyperbole. Nevertheless, the intention is to call attention to the waste that it represents. The Jewish principle is :bal tascheet”, which means , do not waste. In that regard, after a shiva,I recommend that the leftover materials, food and supplies, be given to a worthy organization, Obviously, one should be clear that the food , etc. Is not needed in the home after the seven days.
As far as the kiddush is concerned, one might wonder why the half consumed soda has to be discarded. If they used the big bottles, and poured them as needed, it might not be as wasteful.
What is needed is a social action committee in the synagogue who would review all the practices of the congregation to see where waste might be reduced and eliminated. It can also examine all practices that have an impact on the environment. Are plastic utensils used that are then discarded? Are lights left on that could be turned off?
Judaism has many laws that pertain to how we live in our world. It should be the concern of all of us.
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Question: Given the serious commandment of kibud av' v'em (honoring father and mother), ought a person attend the interfaith wedding of his or her parent, even if they don't "agree" with intermarriage per se?
This is the opposite of the usual question, should parents attend the interfaith wedding of their child. In today’s world, where children are often more ritually observant than their parents, I suppose this is a natural question. One could ask, why would the person not attend the wedding?We do not believe that a person who has entered into an interfaith marriage is considered dead. I I presume there is no longer a question of how they would raise potential offspring. There have been interfaith marriages recorded in our tradition starting with Joseph, continuing with Moses , and on through King David and King Solomon to name just a few. According to tradition, the “messiah” ( not a part of Reform Jewish theology) is from the family of Ruth, a Moabite woman. Judah’s lineage is also from an interfaith relationship.
Given all the above, from a Reform Jewish standpoint, it would seem that a Reform Jewish child, whose parent is contemplating an interfaith marriage, would respect kibud av v’em and attend the wedding.However, if the child is now thinking of him or herself as a Conservative or Orthodox Jew, he or she would have to ask if religion or family takes precedence. Under what circumstances would they attend any wedding of a parent? If the wedding was held in a Reform synagogue, if the wedding was held prior to the ending of the Sabbath, if the reception was not kosher ( and under whose hashgachah) --
The simple answer: as a Reform Jew, honoring of one’s parent is the overriding consideration. We see religion as a human institution, constantly evolving. Religion should bring us together, not separate us.Not attending the wedding could cause a rift that might be difficult to heal.It would be better to err on the side of family unity.
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Question: Is there such a thing as a “chained man”? What happens in Jewish Law when a wife refuses to grant a divorce?
Is there such a thing as a “chained man”? What happens in Jewish Law when a wife refuses to grant a divorce?
This question is moot in the Reform Jewish community.Rabbi Solomon B. Freehof z”l,was the head of the responsa committee of the CCAR for many years and he wrote,”Reform congregations recognize civil divorce as completely dissolving the marriage and permit remarriage of the divorced persons.
This decision is in line with the Reform position of equality of men and women. The issue of “chained man” is one for the Conservative and Orthodox communities to deal with as they see fit.
Having said this, Some Reform Jews have requested some form of recognition from the religious community that the marriage has ended. Such a document has been prepared by the CCAR but it is in no way considered to be a “get”.
We also recognize that this does cause a rift in the Jewish community because the Conservative and Orthodox movements place great importance on genealogy.However the above principle of equality is of greater importance in the Reform community.
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Question: Should American Jews in positions to be heard – communal leaders, writers, editors – refrain from criticizing Israel’s policies in public, or from publishing negative stories (i.e., the ‘racist rabbis letter’), for fear that others will take this critique and use it for anti-Semitic ends?
Jewish law and tradition is very clear that one should refrain from gossip and other kinds of malicious writing that would harm individuals. The term for such material is “lashon hara” or evil language. Leviticus , Chapter 19:16 says “you shall not go up and down as a talebearer among your people.” But the question is regards to leaders and their role in the larger community. Here there is a different perspective , also from chapter 19 of Leviticus. Verse 17b states “you shall surely rebuke your neighbor” . The difference is that there is a perceived wrong being done and it would be a detriment to the entire community if there is no public acknowledgement. We cannot stand idly by in the face of injustice. Silence is also a crime as we have learned from the Holocaust
We have the example of the prophets of Judaism , who spoke out against the evils of their day. The prophet Amos is a wonderful example of such . “they sell the needy for a pair of shoes”.
One of the problems is a related question. Should Israel be held to a different standard of morality and justice than the other nations of the world. If Saudi Arabia cuts off the hand of a thief, it is seen as part of their culture. If an Israeli court should impose such a sentence ,it would be perceived as cruel and unusual punishment. Israel, in its important role as defender of its people has had to do things that cause innocent lives to be shed. We should be careful in any criticism to seek to understand why it is doing what it is doing and not be quick to judge. Nevertheless, Israel does represent a moral beacon to the world and should stand for that which is the highest and best in Judaism.
The answer , then, is yes, it is incumbent on the leaders of the Jewish community to speak out when wrongs are committed, but they should also be very careful as to when they decide to do so.
We should not let the fear of what others will say deter us from speaking out on moral issues.
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