Often the literature, garb, prayer books, church, take on the feel or appearance of ‘being Jewish.’  Some institutions call their pastors ‘rabbi’ and even recite ‘Shema’—‘Hear O’ Israel’ in Hebrew.  One must be on their guard.  Children, even more so than adults, are vulnerable to such efforts at proselytisation.

Many other faiths are seeking converts and adherents including but not limited to: Islam, Christian Science, Buddhism and Scientology.

In centuries past, Jews have been forced by means of impending death to convert to Christianity.  While this is no longer the case, it is worthwhile briefly mentioning their status.  Jews in Christian Spain under the persecutions after 1391 and the Inquisition (late 15^th century) were forced to accept Christianity or die or be exiled.  As we know, many were executed—thirty thousand men and women (according to Philip Birnbaum); many were exiled, however, numerous Jews known as Anussim (forced), Marranos (swine), crypto-Jews or Conversos accepted Christianity.

These Jews seemingly accepted Catholicism, while secretly holding fast to Judaism, at least secretly or in their hearts.  Some were forced by the Church to eat pork publicly in order to demonstrate their fealty to Christianity.  There is much written on this subject.

When the threat of death was later removed, many of these Jews wished to return to the faith of their ancestors and were required to reestablish themselves within the fold of Judaism.  This was done by a semi-conversion to Judaism through the rite of circumcision, acceptance of the God of Israel, renunciation of any other belief and ritual immersion in a mikveh (ritualarium) before a beit din (rabbinic court).

Historically, one of the most sacred services in Judaism—‘Kol Nidrei—All Vows’ on the eve of Yom Kippur was instituted in order to allow all Jews, no matter how distant from their Judaism, including the Anussim to be allowed to participate in the service of the Day of Atonement leading to their readmission to the Jewish community and their faith.

While all of this leads us to understand some exaggerated pressure leading to a Christian conversion, a Jewish child in our day and age can hardly be placed into the same class.  Normally, it may be a desire for conformity, to be like others or gain acceptance amongst friends.

Often one has no real concept of the richness of the Jewish Faith, assuming that others are richer than Judaism; not realizing or knowing that oftentimes other faiths have drawn from, and continue to draw from the wellsprings of Judaism.

Most likely, the Jewish child will not require anything more than a welcome back into the Jewish community, going to a Jewish school and synagogue services and possibly joining in with a Jewish youth group and activities.

As with all other serious Halakhic (Jewish legal) issues; a competent rabbinic authority should be consulted, to render an opinion while dealing with the specifics in this case.

It is my assumption that when you say, “When Jews and non-Jews abide by the same ethical and moral behaviors” that you are not saying that Jews and non-Jews do abide by the same ethical and moral behaviors.

That would be a simplification of life and morality in the extreme.  Saying something like that would be to paint the whole world of diversity with the same brush, saying that we all believe in the same God and believe the same things.  That is utopianism and is only available, from a Jewish perspective, in the Olam Habah (the Next World).

Returning to the world as we know it, there are certainly areas of ethics and morality that are shared in common with our non-Jewish neighbors.  These make for domestic tranquility and thankfully in much of our world we do share much in common with others.

What makes for a uniquely Jewish approach to morality is a fundamental belief which is the underpinning of all of Judaism.  That is, that there is one God, the Creator of all humanity.  The law that applies to all is the result of Divine revelation that begins at Mount Sinai with the giving of the Torah (Divine Writ) as expounded by the Sages of Israel.

It is less important as to the definition of “Jewishness” or what is uniquely “Jewish” about our morality.  There is no need to dwell on the concept of Jewishness.  Rather, we should be pleased when we see that we can share with our neighbors in what we all consider to be right and proper.

This question deals with a real life issue—the naming of a precious child.  Judaism takes this matter very seriously.  There are many traditions attached to the procedure to be followed with naming a child.  Traditions are usually community driven.

As is well known, the naming of a Jewish male child is part and parcel of the b’rit (bris) milah ceremony (circumcision) held on the eighth day after the birth, of course assuming that the child is in good health.  

For a female child, the naming is not necessarily tied to a specific day.  However, it is usual to do the naming in the context of having the Jewish father (or in the absence of a father another close individual) honored by being called up to the Torah for an aliyah—reciting the berakhot (blessings over the Torah reading) in the synagogue service.

This can be accomplished more modestly or with greater pomp, depending on the desire of the parents and custom of the synagogue.  Within much of Sephardic Jewry a ceremony known as Zeved Ha-bat (“the gift of a daughter”) is practiced for the naming of a girl and the text for the ritual is to be found in many traditional Sephardic siddurim (prayer books).

This text is making its way into the Ashkenazic world as well, with its introduction quietly into the Authorised Daily Prayer Book of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth, with new translation and commentary by Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks.  This highly recommended Jewish prayer book appeared in 2006.

Subsequent to the appearance of Rabbi Sacks’ siddur for the British Commonwealth, is the phenomenally successful so-called “Koren-Sacks Siddur” published by Koren Publishers, Jerusalem together with the Orthodox Union (USA).  This attractive, much beloved and expanded siddur, first appeared in 2009.  It appears in many formats and is also highly recommended.

Returning to your original question of naming a female child after a beloved grandfather, this is a common Jewish practice.  The most accepted Ashkenazic practice is to name a child only after those who have already passed on.  This is not the case for most Jews who consider themselves to be Sephardic or Oriental Jews, where they frequently honor their closest living family members by naming newborns after them.

We often find that the names given can be the exact same name for children of the same sex or names reminiscent if the child is of a different sex.  There seems to be great flexibility in the specific Hebrew name to be bestowed upon the newborn child.  We regularly hear at the naming ceremony or at the seudah (festive meal) following, an explanation of the name and why it was chosen.  This is the opportunity to share with others your true intent and feelings.

Jewish naming books can be found in synagogue libraries and public libraries; and in larger bookstores in areas with Jewish populations, as well as online.

Just a couple of thoughts for a female child being named after “Meir Eliazor (Eliezer)”: you can consider Miriam Elisheva or Mira Elissa (or Elise).  The field is very open, indeed.

Wishing you mazal and good health!

Writing as you do, “I don't know how to get away from the office for the interview without lying & going against my Jewish & personal values,” you reveal that you understand that your plan to deceive your employer is wrong “Jewishly.”

It is easy, especially these days, to rationalize away our wrongdoing.  This would be as if to say that no one is watching us.  From a Jewish standpoint there is always “Someone Watching.”

An overarching principle in the Torah, which is to be seen in our synagogue in beautiful Hebrew characters above the Aron Kodesh (Holy Ark) is, “You shall do what is ha-yashar (right) and ha- tov (good) in the sight of God, that it may be well with you and that you may go in and possess the good land which God swore to give your fathers.” (Deuteronomy 6:18)

No matter how you want to interpret your planned course of action with your employer, you are hoping to successfully deceive and in a real sense steal from him or her.  Steal, seems to be a strong term for a deception, but it is the exact term employed by the Sages.

Let us look at what a professor of business and marketing wrote on the subject basing himself in Rabbinic sources.  The term for this transgression in Jewish Law is geneivat da’at.

Professor Hershey H. Friedman writes, “The literal meaning of geneivat da'at in Hebrew is theft of one's mind, thoughts, wisdom, or knowledge, i.e., fooling someone and thereby causing him or her to have a mistaken assumption, belief, and/or impression.  Thus, the term is used in Jewish law to indicate deception, cheating, creating a false impression, and acquiring undeserved goodwill.  Geneivat da'at goes beyond lying.  Any words or actions that cause others to form incorrect conclusions about one's motives might be a violation of this prohibition.  One does not have the right to diminish the ability of another person, Jew or Gentile, to make a fair and honest evaluation, whether in business or interpersonal relations.”

You may recognize the word geneiva as the Hebrew word for stealing.  This comes from the Asseret Ha-Dibberot (Decalogue) in the Book of Exodus, Chapter 20.  There in two words, it says, “Lo tignov—You shall not steal.”  This is also found in the plural “Lo tignovu,” perhaps dealing with our subject more directly, in the Book of Leviticus 19:11.  Either way, there is clarity that stealing and deception are forbidden in the Torah.

The expression, “honesty is the best policy” can serve one well, even though one must at times suffer consequences.

I believe that your question concerning taxes and tithing is well intended.  However, I feel that it is somewhat problematical from the standpoint of Judaism and the Halakhah (Jewish Law).

How so?  Your premise assumes that tithing in its narrow sense, perhaps in some societal way is mandated in Judaism.

Yes, it is true that in former times Judaism required a very structured system of Terumot and Ma’aserot for upkeep of the Kohanim (priests) and the Levites in the Land of Israel.  However, with the Destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem in 70 C.E. and the subsequent dispersion of the Jews from their Land, this system fell into disuse, at least as formerly understood.

In a technical sense, Jews continue to “tithe” the produce of Israel, however, these tithings are no longer used for their original intended purpose, until sometime in the future when there will, with G-d’s help, be a full restoration of the Jewish People in the Land.

There are numerous mitzvot in both the Written and Oral Torah, that relate to what in English is called “charity.”  Some of these include Gemillut Hasadim (Deeds of Loving-kindness), Tzedakah (Righteous Giving), Ma’aser Ani (Tithe for the Poor), Peah—Leket—Peret—Shikhehah (Leaving Portions Behind and Gleanings during Harvesting, etc.) and Matanot La-Evyonim (Gifts for the Needy).

While I believe that there is no absolute directive when it comes to generosity in giving to the needy and your relationship to paying taxes and receiving tax benefits, Jewish sources can be beneficial in considering how to proceed.

Maimonides (12th century, Egypt) describes the commandment of the Corner of the Field—Peah.  He writes in his Mishneh Torah, “Hence you learn that four gifts are reserved for the poor in the vineyard: single grapes, young grapes, Peah (Corner of the Field), and forgotten grapes; three gifts in grain: gleanings, the forgotten sheaf, and Peah; two in trees: the forgotten fruits, and Peah. (Laws of Gifts to the Poor, Chapter 1, Law 7)

He continues describing the Mitzvah of Peah, “Biblically it has no prescribed limit….  Rabbinically, however, Peah should not be less than one-sixtieth of the harvest, whether in the Land of Israel or in the Diaspora.  One should add to the one-sixtieth according to the size of the field and the number of the poor and the yield of the harvest….  If he sowed little and harvested much, having prospered, he should increase it in accord with the blessed crop.  Whoever increases the rate of Peah will receive a higher reward.  There is no prescribed limit to this increase. ” (Law 15)

The Mishnah as quoted in the traditional Jewish Prayer Book–the Siddur—offers sound advice for us all, “These are the things for which there is no fixed measure: the corner of the field, first-fruits, appearances before God [on festivals], acts of kindness and the study of Torah.” (Peah 1:1)

I would think that given the attention that the Torah devotes to the subject of Deeds of Loving-kindness in their manifold manifestations, “tithing”—meaning giving one-tenth of one’s taxable income to charitable causes would not meet with even a minimum of what is to be expected of each and every Jew.  But, it’s a good start and may G-d give us the wherewithal, strength and will to go above and beyond, to do His bidding.

The subject of the use of the term “goy” is near and dear to my heart.  Indeed, this is one of many terms in Judaism that are used and misused.

It is very easy to take a term such as “goy” which on the face of it means nation or people and then use it in a pejorative sense as a slur against another person or ethnic grouping.  In the Torah and by extension—the Tanakh—Hebrew Scripture, there is no such understanding of the word “goy” to mean anything, but its denotation “nation.”

We all know the most famous quotation of all in Isaiah, “Lo yi-sa goy el goy he-rev, lo yil-me-du od mil-ha-mah”—“Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, nor shall they learn war any more.” (2:4)

There is absolutely nothing unseemly in the word “goy” as employed in our Torah text or other religious literature.

Our teacher, Dr. Max Kadushin, of blessed memory, a true master of Rabbinic Judaism and the pristine period of the Sages of Israel, pointed out that the term “goy” in Biblical literature always referred to a nation or a people, including all of Israel and the Jewish People.  However, the Rabbis extended its usage to refer to an individual, i.e. “goy”—masculine or “goyah”—feminine.

Nonetheless, “goy” was not used in a pejorative sense.

My great teacher, Professor Rabbi Hakham Jose Faur, a senior Talmudist, always used the term “goy” when contrasting Jewish thought from non-Jewish thought.  He, however, pointed out that this was in no way negative, only a term used distinguishing differences between a Jewish approach and that of everyone else.

In our world, and with perhaps the influence of Yiddish, which also uses the word “goy,” it is common to hear some using the term as a slur or pejorative.  This is an unsavory reality and part of a culture deeming Jews as superior and non-Jews as less so.  This, of course, is not truly rooted in our Torah, where Abraham, the Father of the Jewish People, was called upon by God to be the Father of Many Nations—“Av Hamon Goyim.”  In fact, this is identified as the meaning of the name Avraham/Abraham.

The Jews are called upon by the prophet to be an “Ohr La-Goyim”—a Light Unto the Nations. “V’-hal’-khu Goyim L’-Oh-raykh”—And the nations shall come to your light…” (Isaiah 60:3) If we look upon the “goyim” as inferior, it totally detracts from our own status as a leader, if we see it as a call to lead inferior peoples.

As is pointed out, most Jews live in liberal democracies which believe in pluralism and multiculturalism.  There is no place for Jews to use or misuse our Hebrew language, in order to “put someone down” and hurt them.

I do not know of “classical” texts which use the term “goy” in a pejorative sense as suggested in the question. There are, however, texts which do show others in an unkind way.  Some scholars suggest that such texts ought never be taught or employed publicly, as they do not reflect our present day reality and will tend to promote a discriminatory attitude that is undeserved by those around us.

Whether or not a coworker chooses to misuse a perfectly acceptable Jewish word—“goy,” is their own business.  We cannot control everyone else’s speech.  However, it is correct to take an opportunity and point out your feeling when a beautiful Hebrew term is corrupted and used in your presence, so freely.

At minimum, in the case of the coworker described, one should develop a sensitivity in the work place. 

We should always look for opportunities to help others in their understanding of our Torah and its teachings and restore a perfectly wonderful word to its pristine meaning.

Implicit in your question is your desired response.  There is a clearly is delineated an imbalance in the way Israel is perceived and treated in the community of nations.

While studying in Jerusalem, a fellow student and friend once said that Israel is treated as the Jew amongst nations of the world.  It may see itself as a democratic, modern country, but it is seen  as the Jew is seen in the eyes of the nations.

I am one who avoids commenting as a rabbi on political matters, choosing to leave this to others who excel in the field of political and social sciences.  However, it is impossible, as a rabbi, to ignore the excesses that are so obvious in the media characterizations of Israel, while seemingly ignoring the very same issues and worse that are being carried out in other nations, many of whom are allies of our own nation.

The Jewish people are charged by G-d and Torah to be a fair and just nation.  We are taught that we must use honest weights and measures and not to recognize the mighty in the face of the weak.  Therefore, it would seem unfair and inappropriate for us to contribute knowingly to the castigation of the State of Israel on the world stage.

This does not mean that one has no right to challenge or question Israel when they may feel that there is due reason for it.  But, opening wounds publicly and jumping on the bandwagon of the enemies of Israel and the Jewish people, seems to me unnecessary and to be avoided at all costs.

I, personally, do not want to be the source of criticism, but rather the source of support and caring.

It certainly appears that one may not openly express words of both support and criticism, without discovering that only the negative words are reported, while totally ignoring the positive take on the matter.

Since this is s the case and a universal in the world of the present day media, it therefore appears to me that one can only publicly express support for Israel and not join in on the public condemnation feeding frenzy that is so pervasive.

I offer this by way of guidance, but cannot say that this is an halakhic –Jewish legal pronouncement.

In order to answer a question of this sort, one must enter the murky waters of Jewish customs, known as minhagim.  This is by no means an easy area to deal with, since a good number of minhagim or Jewish traditions are local or even familial.

The very question implies a clear cut p’sak halakhah (juridical decision) across the board that forbids baby showers prior to birth or any gifts to a mother-to-be, however, this is far from clear.  True, one can find numerous rabbis that will be quite adamant that any such gift is absolutely verboten.

Minhagim can take on the character of halakhah and once ingrained in the Jewish psyche it is next to impossible to shake.  There is a concept found in the commentaries on the Talmud that declares, “minhag avoteinu Torah hi “(the custom of our ancestors is Torah). 

This can be true as well in the area known in Hebrew as e-mu-not te-fay-lot (minor beliefs, i.e. superstitions).   In fact, an emunah tefaylah can be so powerful that it takes over, becoming stronger in the minds of individuals than other unambiguous religious observances.

It may well be that the giving of a baby shower or mentioning the future name of a yet to be born baby was seen as to give an evil spirit (shaid or ruah ra’ah) an opportunity to bring about an unforeseen mishap, causing a disastrous termination of the birth.  Another term used is ‘ayin hara’ (evil eye).

In past generations, stillbirths and fetal demise were more common than in our own day.  There was less access to competent medical care and one needed to have everything going for this birth, including Torah, mitzvot and prayer.  One could ill afford to tempt fate by breaking a strong superstition, especially when the minhag or tradition is presented as halakhah and goes unquestioned.

Still infertility and fetal demise is to be found in our day and each case brings untold pain in its wake.  Baby showers and gifts can only inflict additional pain when the baby fails to be born.  Many see that it is far better to leave everything in the hands of G-d and not test fate.

It is helpful to look into the phenomenon of superstition in Jewish tradition, nonetheless.  Such matters can obtain in all areas of religious tradition.  Take for instance, the practice in Ashkenazic communities on Yom Kippur and other holy days where Yizkor prayers of remembrance (Heb. hazkarat neshamot) are recited.

A prevalent custom is for congregants with living parents to exit the service at the point that Yizkor is recited.  In many Orthodox congregations, today, rabbis plead with their congregants to stay in the service; nonetheless, there is often a mass exodus out the door, even though prayers for martyrs and Holocaust victims are included in the service, many leave.

The Kitzur Shukhan Arukh (Code of Jewish Law) states, “Our custom is that one who has a living father or mother, leaves the synagogue at the time of hazkarat neshamot (Yizkor), also, the custom is that during the first year of the death of the father or the mother one also leaves the synagogue.” (Order of Laws of Yom Ha-Kippurim Sec. 132:21)

Customs abound that seem to be rooted in superstition.  There is a great deal of fear surrounding the nighttime and retiring to bed.  Numerous prayers of reassurance are to be found in most siddurim (prayer books).  Some prayer books contain very elaborate rituals for sleep time, occupying several pages.

The basic prayer while going to sleep is, of course, the declaration of keriat Shema (the first paragraph of Shema, Deuteronomy 6).  Along with this, we can find much more, including a practice as recorded in the above-mentioned Kitzur Shulkan Arukh.

“Before one retires to bed he should walk to the mezuzah (doorpost parchment), placing his fingers upon it, he should recite, ‘G-d is my guardian…’ and afterward he should repeat seven times, ‘In all Your ways…’ and then [recite] the blessing of ‘G-d who causes sleep upon my eyelids’.  He must not eat, drink or speak until he sleeps.” (Order of the Evening, Sec. 71:4)

There is another well-rooted custom known as Shalom Zakhar (welcoming the male), commonly pronounced in some communities Sholom Zokhor.  On the Shabbat evening before the covenant of circumcision (b’rit milah) of a male child on the eighth day, a gathering takes place at the home of the newborn wherein symbolic foods are eaten and passages of religious writings are recited, especially coming from the Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism).

This is to protect the child from any possible harm prior to the circumcision.  One cannot be too cautious.

Merely knowing the possible reasons rooted in Jewish superstitions for these and many other practices, including baby showers and gift giving prior to birth, will most likely do little to change our relationship to what has become common Jewish practice.

Every culture has its own culturally driven taboos and rituals.  The Jews are entitled as any other people to have and respect their own.

The issue of marriage and refusal of one partner or the other to have sexual relations is well founded in Rabbinic sources, based on passages in the Torah.

The situation is a difficult and painful one.  In today’s world most rabbis, I included, advise couples to seek competent couples counseling and therapy.  It often takes time to find the right mix of therapist and couple.

Marriage is a vital part of Judaism and life.  It is not to be dissolved unless absolutely necessary.  But Judaism unlike some other religions believes that not all unions are meant to last and gives individuals the tools to bring such troubled unions to a reasonably equitable conclusion through the gerushin or gittin procedures (delivery of a Get or divorce document).

The major source for divorce in Judaism is in the Book of Deuteronomy, Chapter 24, verse 1: “When a man marries a woman or possesses her, if she is displeasing to him [or] if he has evidence of sexual misconduct on her part, he shall write her a bill of divorce and place it in her hand, thus releasing her from his household.”

The procedure of giving and obtaining a Get written by a sofer (scribe) in accordance with the halakhah (Jewish Law) as determined by a recognized beit din (Rabbinic Court) is well-known.  I will not deal with these laws here.

Rather, I would like to address the laws pertaining to a mored (m.) or moredet (f.) in a marriage.  These are partners who do not provide the normally expected conjugal rights that are considered a vital part of what kiddushin (marriage) is all about.

While one might imagine that Judaism defines this from the masculine perspective, with a wife withholding pleasure from her husband; the Rabbinic sources deal with the issue from both perspectives—a woman withholding sex from the man or a man withholding sex from his wife.

The sources are so explicit that they deal exactly with your case.  Please realize, as I began, it is always recommended to do all in one’s power to bring a happy resolution through counseling and therapy.

After doing everything in one’s power and it still does not work, then and only then is a divorce warranted.  It should be noted, however, that if both parties decide to divorce, a Get would normally be granted, even without counseling.

According to the Shulkhan Arukh, the Code of Jewish Law, if a wife refuses to have intercourse for a period of one year or more, then a Jewish divorce is appropriate.  There is, however, a distinction to be made between a moredet—a woman whose refusal is based in spite and a woman whose husband has become loathsome to her.

Naturally, a husband whose manners, hygiene, etc. are unbecoming needs to be dealt with, as through therapy.

As with so many aspects of life, it is easy to interpret matters only from one’s own perspective.  We all need to move beyond our own selves and determine whether or not “I could be causing her to refuse me.”

If after all the work necessary has been done in endeavoring to bring the marriage back to the way it had been before and it is seen that there is no resolution, a Get would be sought through an authorized beit din and mesader gittin (Rabbinical Court and Master of Divorce Documents).

It is understood that life under the described circumstances is unlivable and when living in accordance with Torah and Mitzvot (commandments) requires immersion in the mikvah (ritual bath), a divorced is warranted, albeit, sadly.

According to the circumstances that you outlined, it appears that you are halakhically within you rights to have a Get issued and given to your wife.  (Shulkhan Arukh, Even Ha-Ezer, Section 77)

As with all questions of halakhah, a competent Rav must be consulted.  What I have written does not constitute a specific decision in your case.  I have only given direction in the matter as presented.

Jewish Values Online Response

There is no set, easy answer to the question of dealing with people having served their time in prison and subsequently returning to living within the community.

Perhaps the best approach is to look at the matter, including sex offenders, from the standpoint of Jewish sources and the concepts of “hesed” and “rachamim.”  These are Jewish concepts of loving-kindness and compassion.

The Jewish people are known by the popular saying, “they are ‘rachmanim benei rachmanim—compassionate—descendants of the compassionate.’”  Naturally, this idea relates to all aspects of life, including dealing with troubling matters, so our disposition should be a merciful one.

Rashi, the great rabbinic commentator on Torah and Rabbinic source materials wrote that “the world exists due to ‘hesed’—loving-kindness.”

Unlike American jurisprudence which states that one is innocent until proven guilty, Judaism tends to see litigants as guilty until proven innocent.  How so?  According to early Rabbinic tradition, Judah ben Tabbai said of litigants coming before a judge, “When the litigants stand before you, regard them as resha’im—wicked, and when they have departed from your presence, regard them as zaka’im—innocent, the verdict having been accepted by them.” (Ethics of the Fathers, Ch. 1, Mishnah 8)

I would like to see that one who has served his/her sentence would now be treated not as a sinner but rather, as one who has done Teshuvah—repentance, and, in the process, is now cleansed.

Along with this, the Rabbis say in the Babylonian Talmud, “Whosoever wishes rachamim—compassion for their fellow, will be the first to have their own appeal answered.” (Tractate Bava Kamma 92a)

Today, of course, we are sensitized to the psychology of crime and areas of pathology, especially when pertaining to sexual addiction and subsequent recidivism, where a criminal may never be able to be healed from his or her addictions.

In such instances, it is important to employ prudence and seikhel—good common sense, protecting the society from a known predator.

I am taking your question as a seriously posed question, deserving of a serious answer.  In some ways, it sounds like the lead in to a humorous Jewish situation comedy.

As with all questions, I come at it from the standpoint of a traditionalist/orthodox approaching the halakhah (Jewish Law).

In this regard, it does not matter that your husband is of Italian background whatsoever.  If he is not a Jew by a halakhic definition, that is, by being born of a Jewish mother or converted according to the halakhah, involving a Beit Din (rabbinic court), a proper circumcision, acceptance of God, Torah and Mitzvot (commandments) and ritual immersion in a mikvah (halakhic immersion pool), then he is by definition not Jewish.

In many ways, it does not matter who the rabbi was who married you or their opinion, since the real crux of the matter is not who the rabbi is, but who the father of the child is.

If the father were Jewish, then all matters pertaining to the child’s status, i.e. a child born of a Jewish father and a Jewish mother would be determined by the religious status of the child’s father.

Maimonides describes the status of the child in his Code, the Mishneh Torah, Laws of Forbidden Relations, Chapter 12.

However, in the case you have described to me, when the father is non-Jewish, everything pertaining to the child’s status in determined by you, the child’s mother.  It is also of no specific consequence that you are, as you state “100% Ashkenazic Jew”, since the child in all respects is 100% Jewish, by our halakhic standards.

The question pertaining to the status of a Jewish doctor training to be a mohel depends completely on what the Jewish doctor actually did.  If not all of the procedures were followed, then a further step or steps may be required to complete the b’rit.  A b’rit is determined to be a b’rit if all of the requirements were fulfilled and not by calling it a b’rit or having a Jewish celebration.

Only a competent and recognized mohel can look at your son and make that determination.  According to Jewish law, you and the Jewish community are required to ensure that your son is properly circumcised.  If this has not been properly fulfilled by the time of his majority at age thirteen, then he himself has the absolute requirement each day to complete having himself properly circumcised.

This, of course, in no way means that your son is not Jewish, only that he needs to have a complete circumcision.

No religious conversion is required, since your son is born of a Jewish mother.  As with all Jewish children, you as a Jewish parent must do everything that you can to rear him in Judaism.  This includes all necessary elements, especially socializing him with Jewish peers and giving him a rich Jewish education.

If you sincerely want your son to marry “a nice Jewish girl (like his momma)” now is the time to start preparing him to be a suitable prospective partner for “a nice Jewish girl.”

The Reform position is well-known and since I do not subscribe to that position, I will leave it to others to address it.

Conservative Judaism, historically, has held positions which are closely in line with the traditional halakhic position, that one is Jewish if born of a Jewish mother or duly converted by a Beit Din—Rabbinical Court.

How all of this applies varies and it appears that regionally even within orthodoxy there are varying standards.

Nonetheless, traditional Judaism holds that there can be no marriage between Jews and non-Jews.

It is not a question of how much the couple loves one another, or how wonderful they are.  The halakhic answer is, no.  Now, if the non-Jew is truly sincere in their wish to become Jewish through halakhic means, then it would appear that they may marry the Jewish partner.

But even this is not so straightforward.  I would be less than forthcoming if I did not point out that there have been and are religious communities that frown upon conversion for marriage purposes, even if there is some real sincerity in the desire to be part of Judaism.

In America we speak of intermarriage, meaning a Jew marrying another of a non-Jewish origin.  In other countries, such as Australia, Jews do not speak of “intermarriage”, rather “marrying out.”  It appears to me that in America we emphasize the joining in, whereas in other countries the emphasis is on the loss of another Jew from the Jewish fold.

In fact, I think that it can be borne out statistically that more than the Jew brings in another to the Jewish fold; a Jew is lost to Judaism altogether when they marry a non-Jew.  The Jew generally joins with the majority population, rather than the non-Jew becoming “Jewish.”

When asking about a couple intending to raise their children as Jewish, the fact remains halakhically, that any child born to a Jewish mother is Jewish by definition.

Any child born to a non-Jewish mother is not Jewish by definition, period.  If the child upon reaching maturity desires of their own volition to convert, they may convert, just as any other person could, but the fact that the couple decided to intermarry and raise the child as Jewish, does not ipso facto make the child Jewish, from an halakhic point of view.

I know that this is not the prevailing position in Reform Judaism.  As a matter of fact, I personally, had been asked to participate in the conversion of an adopted child of a Reform Jewish couple (both Jews), where their Reform rabbi would not convert the child, feeling that the non-Jewish child was raised within the “temple” and did not require any further steps to ensure Jewishness.

The couple did not follow their rabbi’s direction and sought an halakhic conversion, by a duly constituted Beit Din—Rabbinical Court.

On another occasion, I was asked to sit on a Beit Din converting a natural born child of an intermarried couple, where the mother was non-Jewish, but the couple had previously agreed to raise any children born of their union as Jews.

I declined to sit on that Beit Din, as I feel that if the child desires to become Jewish when they reach their majority, they can at that time choose to become Jewish.

As I stated at the outset, this position is in accordance with the standards of halakhic practice and may not be popular amongst non-halakhic segments of the Jewish population, but that is the historic Jewish position within Rabbinic Judaism.