I am dismayed that in the 21st Century, in a post-Holocaust world, that the question is even being asked, because it questions not the status of Jews By Choice, but the status of those of color. The simple answer is: any individual who fulfills the requirements for conversion is a Jew. The Talmud in Yebamot describes the process, although each rabbinic body has formalized requirements. The essence is: once an individual accepts Judaism, that person is considered as new born, with no religious past, only a Jewish future. But the essential dilemma in your question concerns those of color, or perhaps those who “do not look Jewish”. But I fear that the underlying concern is that even though they might be Jewish can they marry our children as they are obviously of another race. As we have believed through the centuries; Judaism is a religion of choice and not a race. Many of us are of an age to remember “Whites only” facilities or “Christians only need apply”. Many of us defined our Jewish social action posture in the Civil Rights movement. Of course, we are like everyone else, with the same prejudices as well as the same hopes. But as Jews we are instructed to rise above any pettiness. I would hope that once any person joins the Jewish people that we go out of our way to fully integrate him or her into not just our faith community but into our family community as well.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: When my frum therapist advises me to carry out my fantasies of female domination, when my wife's therapist agrees, when our couple therapist advises me not to fight against my inclination but to work this out with my wife, when the halacha allows it, when my love for my wife thru domination has never been so high, what should be the attitude of a frum Jew? Is it better to be machmir and try to be like everybody else, or to listen to the therapists who know me and my wife? What would Jewish values say I should do? Thank you for your answer.
You have already set the deck for your own answer; you want to follow your own “inclination” and seek validation from what you consider a Judaism that allows domination. That “inclination” could easily be the “yetzer harah”, the inclination toward the negative, the egotistical, the narcissistic. Traditional Judaism allows for a protection of the woman by the man, not the domination that seems to manifest itself though overpowering in a sexual or emotional context. If your couple’s therapist suggests that you allow your fantasies of domination to become real, notwithstanding this idea that you can “work this out with my wife”, I believe that you are not listening to your therapist but listening to what you want to hear. And I hope that your “frum” therapist is not advising you to carry out fantasies and use “halachah” as the excuse. First find out what your wife feels and needs. Talk to her to see where you are in common, both in and out of the bedroom situation. Judaism looks to the mutuality of the relationship: guf ne’heneh min haguf/the one body deriving pleasure in sync with the other. She is not there to work out your particular fantasies. Rather you should be working in partnership, finding out what is important to each of you as equal partners in your marriage. And please, do not twist halachah to fit into your definition of halachah.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Should I refrain from consuming media produced by celebrities who later became known as Anti-Semites? For example, the Lethal Weapon series includes Mel Gibson, although it was produced before he became known as an Anti-Semite. Another example is the music of Pink Floyd, which included Roger Waters, but was produced before Waters became known as an Anti-Semite.
[Administrator's note: This issue appears in various forms. For example, one question on the website has to do with purchasing German-made autos (and other products): http://www.jewishvaluesonline.org/question.php?id=991.
In another context, many rabbis advise the couples they counsel not to use any music at their wedding composed by Wagner or Mendelsohn because they either worked with/supported the Nazi regime, or they were seen as destroyers of Judaism - which is why it is rare to hear "The Wedding March" by Mendelsohn at a Jewish wedding.
Not too long ago, a fashion designer expressed vile anti-Semitic views, and there were repercussions, including at least one famous person publicly refusing to wear anything by him, or from the design house he worked for, raising a massive amount of negative publicity for that fashion house.
The issue that underlies this question is whether the person, and their actions/politics, can be separated from the art they create. It deals with memory, repentance, forgiveness, compassion, and punishment, among other matters.]
Your question has true resonance as there is the ongoing discussion as to whether we have the right (or responsibility) to use the findings of the Nazi “doctors” who experimented on our people. Should we listen to the confirmed anti-Semites as Wagner, or read T.S. Eliot. Can we purchase the anti-Zionist’s works like Waters or Elvis Costello? What of the poetry of Amiri Baraka (LeRoi Jones) or the discussions of Stephen Hawking? The Torah speaks of Amalek, the quintessential hater of the Children of Israel. Moses is told to write a document to “blot out the memory of Amalek…” Exodus 17:14 Moses commands the people, “Remember Amalek…you shall blot out his memory…Do not forget!” Deuteronomy 25:17-19 You referenced German made items that many Jews refuse to purchase. We live in a world of “boycotts”. There is the BDS. Many will not purchase products of those who are acknowledged right or left wing in their politics. But an anti-Semite or and anti-Israel position is truly personal. And the decision must be personal. Wagner is now played in Israel (not universally applauded). Am I less comfortable riding in a Mercedes than taking a Bayer aspirin? Can I buy a Ford product knowing the feelings of Henry Ford? Perhaps the Torah’s admonition that we should not forget is the operable response. We need to educate ourselves and then make the personal choice as to accept or reject.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: I've been struggling with attending High Holiday services when I don't believe in God. I grew up Orthodox so the push from my parents to attend is quite strong, but I feel that the services are becoming less meaningful every year. I'm feeling very confused about what I should do: 1) attend services even though I don't find them meaningful because it would make my parents happy, or 2) do something meaningful during that time which pushes me towards my other values in life (friends, helping others, etc.)?
I've been struggling with attending High Holiday services when I don't believe in God. I grew up Orthodox so the push from my parents to attend is quite strong, but I feel that the services are becoming less meaningful every year. I'm feeling very confused about what I should do: 1) attend services even though I don't find them meaningful because it would make my parents happy, or 2) do something meaningful during that time which pushes me towards my other values in life (friends, helping others, etc.)?
A friend once answered the statement “I do not believe in God” with the comment, “God does not need anyone’s belief”. The Holy Day observances need not be either for or about God. Rather they are about each individual; a time to take an inventory of the past year, and to do so in the presence of a community. The liturgy is to allow for introspection. And the values that are shared are to do that which you suggested in #2, to urge, even impel, you to “do something meaningful”. The values of the Holy Days give a base for the values of helping others. The Holiness Code of Leviticus 19 deals not with ritual, but with societal necessities; caring for the poor, the helpless and the have-nots. And when you do that which is meaningful for your own self, it will “make my parents happy”. Real prayer begins when the spoken prayer ends; when the words uttered translate into acts of care and lovingkindness. Take that theme into the Holy Days and your attendance will become meaningful to one who questions, or even denies, God’s existence.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Should my wife be buried with her family at their family plot or should we buy two new plots and be buried side by side?
Should my wife be buried with her family at their family plot or should we buy two new plots and be buried side by side?
The 21st Century can be described as one of rootlessness. We move not from our parents’ homes or neighborhoods, but from their cities. And our children and grandchildren do the same to us. Not that we are nomadic, but the economy and opportunity often requires relocation, even several times. And the only constancy is the cemetery, where, hopefully, we become one again with family. But it is the word “family” that needs to be determined. The Torah is rather specific in answering your question: God said, “It is not good for man to be alone…A man shall therefore leave his father and his mother and be united with his wife…” (Genesis 2: 18, 24) We are born into our parent’s family, yet we choose a mate, and thus create our own family. And that reality becomes its own answer. You and your spouse belong together, with your own “family” gravesites. In a more realistic vein, as we move our residences from city to city, more often than not, we are not around our “birth” families. They are in different states, or even countries. Thus, those who visit us are our “fictive kin”, those whom we have “adopted” as family in our far-flung residences. It is they who will visit our graves in memory, allowing us an immortality through their reminiscences. Find your own plots for yourself and your spouse; your family of choice!
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Is there such a thing as a Jewish race memory?
I have what seems to be an overwhelming identity with Jewishness, yet I was not born a Jew in any sense. My father was the son of a Jewish mother who married out. He never put over Jewish identity within the home apart from his knowledge that he was Jewish. Yet I feel strongly that I ought to convert, and one of my strongest personal ambitions is to celebrate Passover. If you have any personal experience to add to this, I would be grateful. Am I mad to feel such a strong attachment where logically there is none?
regards
Dee
You have this special feeling exactly because Judaism is not a race. It is a religion with a history and community that offers identity and memory. You mention logic. Judaism is not only based on faith, but also upon logic. Moses Maimonides wrote that in his view, the Bible is a text of Aristotelian philosophy. To others it is the central text of God’s love. And to others, it is the history of the Jewish people and its relationship with God. We can instill knowledge, textual references, even accoutrements to wear or consume. But it is only when you “feel” Jewish, agreeing to become one of the Jewish people, knowing full well our history, especially that of the 20th Century in Europe, that the Jewish life can be one’s “strongest personal ambitions.” One does not “convert”; rather one chooses to become one of the faith of Israel, perhaps even discovering one’s true self. So I suggest that you learn, that you participate, that you join a congregation, or a minyan, or a chevra; take part in the Jewish world and your own search will be answered.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Hi. I have been dating a boy 7 months now and we were planning on marrying until we found out that my great grandmother on my father's side's conversion was done wrong which makes the rest of the family down not Jewish on that side. The problem is the boy I am dating is a kohen (Priest, descendant of Aaron). Would an orthodox rabbi marry us? I have very severe heart problems and every time I have to think about not marrying him it stresses me to the point that I have to go to the hospital and receive IV medicine if not worse. What can we do?
Your concern is well founded. According to traditional Jewish law, as the conversion was not preformed according to halachah/Traditional Jewish law, you are not a Jew. But according to Reform Judaism, a 1983 decision declared that one is a Jew if either parent is Jewish and there be public declarations and rituals that declare one’s Jewish affiliation with the religion and the people. Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz made the most cogent statement when he said that better we define ourselves by the Judaism of our grandchildren. In a post Holocaust world, we define Jews as those who, in a world in which we are a distinct minority, align with the Jewish community in a formal way. To best ameliorate your dilemma, find a Liberal/Progressive Rabbi who will gladly welcome you both under the chuppa, knowing that by your commitment, your grandchildren will be Jewish.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Do we have an obligation to correct misleading media bias when it comes to news coverage of Israel? For example, during rounds of rocket fire from Gaza, some media stations makes it seem like Israel is the aggressor, when they are actually the ones defending themselves against rocket attacks.
The main tenet of responsibility within Judaism is found in Deuteronomy 16:20. The words are tzedek tzedek tirdof/righteousness righteousness shall you pursue. As there is no punctuation within the Torah scroll, it is usually punctuated with a comma between the two words “righteousness”. But if we place a question mark after the first “righteousness” and an exclamation point after the word “pursue”, then the Torah asks whether it is righteousness that is the main pursuit of the individual, and answers the question as a moral imperative. Thus, in answering the question as to whether it is our responsibility to be bearers of truth wherever we find it, the Torah gives us the answer. It insists that we declare the truth, even if it places us in a less than favorable light. As to the reporting concerning Israel’s right to exist and tender its response toward those who seek its destruction, one’s bias should not be offered when reporting fact. Opinion is one thing; fact is another. The Torah commands fact and honor. Those values should be our guide.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: As no movement in Judaism completely follows all the "revealed" mitzvot (commandments), what right does any voice have in specifying which ones to follow?
The Torah offers us 613 mitzvot that deal with life: vertical laws dealing with humans vis a vis God and horizontal connecting humans with each other; essentially societal laws. The Talmud and all Responsa literature made Judaism “portable”, not necessarily land based in Eretz Yisrael. Those commentaries have as a raison d’être to contemporize laws to make them operable in different times and different lands and societies. Scientific advancement and discovery allows societies to evolve, and Judaism has always appreciated and even elevated scholarship, both religious and secular. Maimonides himself was physician, Aristotelian scholar as well as Jewish respondent par excellence. We have sought as our mission the ongoing inspiration and revelation of the Sinaitic experience; never allowing Judaism to be static.
Judaism is not unidimensional. The Shulchan Arukh is a prime example of differing legal opinions including both Caro and Issurless as acceptable halachah. No one would accept the physical stoning of a belligerent child or the enslavement of another human being, even though the Torah demands both.
Thus, Judaism allows for a polydoxy; differing interpretations of traditional mitzvot; so long as the original ideal essence is maintained and the spirit of the law elevated.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: My mother and I are presently having an issue about tznius. I wear long skirts and when skirts are just past the knee or a little longer, I wear pants underneath. I also prefer to wear long sleeves rather than 3/4 sleeves, and I generally do not wear red. My mother thinks that all this is unnecessary, and won't let me out of the house in more than two layers during the summer, although I never get overheated. If I feel that dressing this way is essential to my Judiasm, do I have to listen to my mother?
One of the Ten Commandments is generally translated, “Honor your father and mother”. The Hebrew root is KVD, is most often translated as “honor” Kavod has come to mean honor or honorable. But an alternative translation could be “give weight”, so as to give weight to the teachings of your parents. One neither should nor can honor parents who are dishonorable. But their teaching should always be weighed in light of one’s own feelings and opinions. Your mother has certain beliefs with which you might not agree. Obviously you have been influenced by those who demand a more traditional practice than that of your family. But KVD also has the meaning of “respect”. It is your responsibility to listen to all voices, but owe your parents the respect that they have earned. Your mother feels that your health and physical comfort are paramount. The multi layered clothing in the heat of the summer might give you psychic comfort, but does it truly afford you physical comfort? We are enjoined from afflicting our bodies. For whom and for what are you demanding the extra layers? The modesty is for those who see you to know your practice. The number of layers could be merely “gilding the lily”. Seek your true heart and note that extremes on either side can potentially become counter-productive.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Does a parent have a responsibility to force a teenage child to keep certain mitzvot such as observing Shabbat or Kashrut?
Much of our belief in child/parent relations is predicated on the commandment translated as Honor your father and mother. KVD is the shoresh/root of the word translated as “honor”. But an alternative translation is “to give weight”. So we might translate that commandment as Give weight [to the teachings and influence] of your mother and father.Seen in that light we can look at your question not from the perspective of the parents, but of the response of the teenager. Parents are going to teach/indoctrinate/insist upon passing down their belief system to their children. After all, it is what they want to see as their legacy as well as their responsibility to maintain their religious practices and traditions. L’dor v’dor…from one generation to the other. But coercion does not instill belief, only obedience that might disappear once the young person is on his/her own. Parents have the responsibility to introduce practices, encourage beliefs and model traditions. A parent who insists and forces a teenager (who, by the way, has the responsibility to rebel if only to experience the freedom of choice) will lose the battle. Only when the young person finds meaning and significance in the mitzvot will those mitzvot become part of daily life. Parents who show and in an adult manner explain why these traditions are important to them will not have to force anyone.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Do you think that sometimes there are things that a person should simply not do because it would compromise their beliefs too much? Or is there always a workaround?
Judaism is different from Americanism. In the latter, our nation is based on the idea of rights and liberties. But Judaism is based on a system of mitzvot/commandments. They form the framework for a legal and moral society. Byron Sherwin writes: The term “right” is not operative or meaningful in the framework of Jewish ethical or legal discourse…The problem in Jewish law is not one of rights but of obligations. We look for grounding in our choices. If a belief is to be compromised by an action, then the action compromises the belief system. The idea of “workaround” begs the excuse to allow beliefs to be compromised. If you accept the workaround, then the belief proves to be only situational. If it is truly a “belief”, then we have no “right” to refrain from following it, even to its undesirable result. So we need to choose our beliefs, our meaningful mitzvot/obligations wisely.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: My daughter stopped speaking to me when I told her that she needed to start dieting and exercising . I feel that I followed the rule of treating others as I would like others to treat me. I'm very hurt by her actions. I refuse to apologize. Am I wrong?
You are referencing Rabbi Hillel’s response, in that what is repugnant/painful to you, do not do to another. This can be expanded to include the manner in which the message is delivered, taking into consideration how the message is received. Body image is a major concern for the young. What you conceived as a loving and caring message of concern is obviously heard by your daughter as a personal attack and a not-so-subtle message of disappointment. This is not about you but about her. Your personalizing by being hurt does nothing for her self esteem. Apology is just for your benefit, not to ameliorate the situation. It does nothing for her other than cause greater distress. As parents, we should never insist our children apologize unless they truly feel an apology is valid. Shalom/peace requires both sides to talk and work out their individual feelings and concerns. Have you truly listened to your daughter or only evaluated her “condition”!
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: The Founding Fathers seemed to think that believing in God actually mandated democracy; today many of the world's most religious people seem to think that belief in religious laws make democracy undesirable. What does Judaism think?
So much of the Tanach influenced the founding of our nation: “influenced” is the operative. America is not God’s given Promised Land. Today too many people look to religion as either the salvation or the disease. Just because people believe it does not make it so. Too many people use the text as a pretext for their own assertions. Looking at America’s laws and ideals, many of them stem from Torah ideals. Whether revealed or inspired, our Founding Fathers saw Israel’s experience as a template for this nation. Bruce Feiler, author of Walking the Bible, notes the Biblical influence on the Founders of our nation. He records the proposed symbol of America as designed by Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Instead of the present seal of the eagle with an olive branch in one talon and a brunch of arrows in the other, the three founding fathers proposed the following: Moses [in the Dress of the High Priest] standing on the Shore, and his hand extending his hand over the Red Sea, thereby causing the same to overwhelm Pharaoh who is sitting in an open chariot, a crown on his head and sword in his hand. Rays from a pillar of fire in the clouds reaching to Moses, to express that he acts by the command of the Deity. Franklin also included the motto: Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God. Our tradition demands people to be self empowered with our system of mitzvot as a guideline. Just look at the Holiness Code in Leviticus 19 to discover religious responsibilities as the essence of democracy. To be holy one must look to society's ills and heal them. That is Judaism; that is democracy!
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: [According to traditional Judaism] At what age can a Jewish boy have his first haircut?
What is the reason this might differ for the different streams in Judaism?
According to tradition, a boy receives his first haircut (upsherin: Yiddish for “to shear off”) at age three. He also receives his kippah and tsitit at that time. This corresponds to the Torah that compares “man” with a tree. (Leviticus 19:23) Just as a newly planted tree must remain unharvested for three years, so a boy remains unshorn until age three. But it is an expansion of text to liken one with the other; it is not law. This has become tradition so as to accord significance to every human endeavor. Reform Judaism accords no such tradition to be followed, but does suggest meaning and memory to each rite of passage. And the first haircut for both boys and girls allows for the building of memories and personal history.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: What is the Jewish view on celebrating "saint or spirit based" days like Halloween or Valentines Day? By now they are more commercial than pagan. Is there a problem in either Jewish law or custom?
We need to be very careful in granting approval in every instance. Whereas we might allow “Trick or Treating” on Halloween or sending a Valentine’s card to a loved one, we need to note that an imprimatur for these might lead someone to feel carte blanche for the Easter Bunny or Saint Nick. Halloween is a pagan ritual associated with All Saints Day in the Church as well as the obvious of Saint Valentine. We should make a distinction between those festivals that are specifically non-Jewish and those in which we can participate as part of our society. The only way to make that distinction is through educating ourselves as to the meaning behind each observance and then choose either to participate or absent. When those observances are specifically Christological, we need to refrain. But when a school teacher helps the 4th graders in creating Valentines cards for Mom or Dad, there should be no problem.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: How readily are Jews-by-choice - those who have undergone conversion - accepted to the rabbinical and cantorial schools of their respective denominations? What challenges or restrictions might they face before, during and after their education?
The Reform belief is that once an individual has chosen Judaism and has followed all those requirements of the sponsoring rabbi, that individual is a Jew. Rabbinical and cantorial schools therefore should make no distinction between that applicant and any other who might have been born into the faith. If the rabbi or cantor serves a congregation following ordination or investiture, the congregation could gain greater insight and value from someone who has chosen Judaism as an adult and comes to the faith with fully open mind. By the same token, the rabbi or cantor would not be able to share “memory moments” of holidays and festivals resonant of Jewish family. This, though, in no way, would diminish the memories of the clergy as Jew-by-choice since all memories and reminiscences speak to a future and are not chained to or by the past. As Rabbi David Wice z”l noted to his congregation when asked if he favors tradition, he answered “Yes, I plan to create many”.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: I just found out that my spouse has been chatting intimately (and suggestively) with a total stranger when I accidentally stumbled on his Skype dialogue box. I am extremely hurt. Should I be considering his actions the same as if he had an affair? What does Judaism say about ‘emotional affairs’?
Judaism posits that there is no mind-body dualism; that there is a unity among the mind, body and soul. If this is so, then to think something, to feel it, to become emotionally involved in it is tantamount to acting upon it. But is this truly the case? I think not. We have emotional attachments throughout our lives; one not necessarily precluding another. Our Torah gives us this metaphorical example in that two of our three patriarchs were polygamous. Is the lesson that they were capable of loving more than one person? Rather it is that each spouse represented different aspects of the need within a loving relationship. What your husband may be seeking, or what you might be perceiving, is that he is seeking a fulfillment that your relationship may be lacking. An “emotional friend” is one who might be filling a void in the marriage. Is he having an affair? That requires more information than is presently offered. Is he seeking? Certainly! Instead of labeling his actions in any way, letting him know that you are aware of his “chats” and are prepared to discuss your common intimacy with each other may be the most productive response. Just be aware that once the conversation begins, you both must be willing and able to be totally honest, not with accusations but with feelings. Rather than accusing, “You have done…” offer the opening, “When I saw your Skype, I felt…and feared…” Remember, this is about you and your feelings. So personalize it. That way, you can talk “with” each other and not “at” each other.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: What does Judaisam teach us is the responsibility of Jews living in the diaspora to defend the state of Israel?
The Talmud relates that at Mount Sinai, we Jews bound ourselves to the covenant that includes being responsible one for the other (Shevuot/Oaths 39b). Both Theodor Herzl and Menachem Begin responded to this b’rit. Irrespective of the calendar’s date or the expanse of miles, we relate to each other. Does this demand an uncritical view of Israel, due to our covenant of unity? As Americans, we respond to the words of Carl Shurz, a Wisconsin Senator, who in 1872 challenged, “My country right or wrong; if right, to keep it right; if wrong, to make it right.” Our Sinaitic covenant bound us to honest and critical discernment as well as the unity of the people Israel. As we respond to the nations in which we reside in mature attitudes, can we do any less in critiquing Israel, a land we love and cherish? It is true that we, in the Diaspora, do not live in Israel nor do we serve in its military defense. But we support and defend it in our home countries. We have the responsibility not only to stand with Israel but to also vouchsafe its continued welfare as a democratic and Jewish state. In covenanting with our people and our homeland, we did not give up the right to critical thinking and personal opinion. But we need also be aware that each of our opinions and statements will be parsed by both Israel’s supporters as well as her detractors. So our responsibility is to “be careful of your words” (Avot 1:11)
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: What’s the most important message to learn from Chanukah? Is it a lesson about God’s miracle or about the Jews' overcoming adversity? Or is it about religious freedom?
The Chanukah story is not found in the Tanach. Rather what we know of the Maccabean revolt comes from the writings in the Apocrypha and Flavius Josephus. The miracle of the cruse of oil lasting eight nights is found in neither of these sources, but in the Talmud. The essential story is one of freedom. The Maccabees rebelled against the Hellenism of the Syrian/Greeks as well as against those Jewish assimilationists who would “go along to get along”: accepting Greek gods so as to be acceptable to the Greeks. The miracle is that people are willing to fight for a belief and for their right to worship as their conscience demands. The eight day festival is reminiscent of the eight day Festival they were denied during the two year guerilla war; HaChag, Sukkot, the Harvest Festival. Thus Chanukah can have meaning to us today, offering thanks that God preserved us to celebrate this ideal and that human commitment has resonance even in the face of seemingly insurmountable opposition.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: What does Judaism say about regret? I'm not talking about regretting sins that I've committed, I'm talking about choices that I made and things I didn't do that I should have done that would have changed my life for the better. Thanks.
There are two types of sins in our tradition: those of commission, those actions or choices we have taken for which we are sorry, and those of omission, those choices or actions we did not make that affected us or others in a negative way. For both of these, there is atonement. This becomes the theme of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Atonement is not just about those things we have done for which we are sorry, but for those lost opportunities, those moments of acquiescence, or those times of hesitation that have led to disappointment. Teshuvah, repentance, is more than any words can encompass. It involves actions, learning from our shortcomings and mistakes, so that they will not be repeated. “Actions speak louder than words” is the essence of teshuvah. Acceptance of the past as having happened, and that it cannot be changed, is necessary. Only then can those past acts of omission teach us to the meaningful and fulfilling choices of the future.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: In what way should we welcome back men and women who spent time in prison? How about sex offenders?
We Jews live in a system of mitzvot—commandments. The Torah tells us that a system of judges and courts must be established. This, in itself, presupposes that there will be punishments for crimes. When one commits a crime for which he or she is punished, society has then exacted the prescribed punishment for the specific crime. The individual is therefore no longer a criminal, having paid the debt society demands; having accepted the dictates of the court and society. The individual should be welcomed back as a ba’al teshuvah, one who has returned, chastened and rehabilitated. The essence of Yom Kippur is this theme: that once one acknowledges one’s sin and is willing to accept the punishment, that one returns as though never having been criminalized. That is forgiveness.
But to forgive is not necessarily to forget. Only future actions that conform to one’s promise of teshuvah can allow the sinner to be truly rehabilitated. This is the ideal! But we live in a world in which reality and ideal are not always in sync. We cannot always be so idealistic. This is especially so when dealing with a sex offender; a predator whose predilection might not rehabilitate just through incarceration. For these are crimes stemming from a psychological addictive disorder, and only intensive therapy can secure real teshuvah. Prison only keeps the “addict” from the source of satisfaction.
The individual who has “done the time” should be welcomed back into the community. But the one whose psychological nature as predator has not been continually monitored professionally can be accepted as a Jew, but not as a fully accepted member of society.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Would you say someone of 16-17 years old, who studied Judaism for over a year, and is learning Hebrew is old enough to convert if their parents say they don't mind?
The question of helping in the conversion of a “minor” leads to several questions. The first is “why”? What prompted the initial inquiry into Judaism? Is the choice of Judaism an affirmation of Judaism or a rejection of one’s family’s heritage? And what is the relation with the parents? There is a difference between parents who might support this choice or who might not care, and those who might be even hostile to the conversion.
According to Jewish tradition, a Jewish male becomes an adult upon Bar Mitzvah at age 13. That offers adult responsibilities in our tradition, but does not accord majority in civil law. A change in status might be against the law prior to one’s 18th birthday.
The greatest desire would be for the family to rejoice in that their child had found meaning in religion, even if it is not the family’s faith. If that is not the case, the young person could celebrate and observe the beliefs and tenets of Judaism, and upon majority, undergo formal conversion. In this instance, believing oneself to be Jewish and observing the laws and customs of Judaism is tantamount to the formalization. One might refer to Contemporary American Reform Responsa, #50, 1984
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: I'm going into the Marines, but I also want to keep Shabbat. How can I do that? What can and can't I do regarding Shabbat pertaining to being a Marine, if I am based in the USA, as well as if I get shipped overseas?
Concerning the observation not just of Shabbat, but the system of prescribed mitzvot, while serving in the military, Jewish tradition stands on the principle of dina d’malchuta dina, the law of the land, or the nation, or the military, is the law. Military law therefore takes precedence over religious observance. We see this in the wearing of a kippah, the laws of tsitsit and payess and especially in MREs (meals ready to eat) or the old k-rations and c-rations. In fact, there was a responsum during World War II when the only rations available were pork, that a Jewish soldier must sustain life, even when the only food available is treife. The proof text comes from the Bible, I Samuel 21:3 in that military necessity takes precedence over even what is to be eaten.
“Military service is intended for the welfare of the nation and supersedes ceremonial, even dietary laws, when necessary”. American Reform Responsa, vol. 28. The military is responsive to the religious needs and sensitivities of all those in the service and there is ample opportunity for observance at all levels of tradition. The chaplain service is available to minister to the needs of the troops and will provide both the spiritual and physical wherewithal necessary, both stateside as well as in any world-wide assignment.
Individual observance will not be abrogated by the military when such observance does not conflict with requirements of the service. A Jew in the military will find both sufficient time and support to observe Jewish traditions.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: How can Jewish values help us become happy?
The question of Jewish values making us happy comes at a most opportune time. At the High Holy Days, we wish each other “L’Shana Tova” which we usually translate as “Happy New Year”. But the real meaning is “For a good year.” Can our values make us happy? Rather our Jewish values impel us to be good, so that we have the opportunity to become happy. Can we truly be happy when being so is at the expense of others? Can I be happy when the tornado devastates my neighbor’s home yet leaves mine untouched? I might be thankful, but my happiness is not increased by his travail! Perhaps as Jewish tradition urges, he then needs my help, my aid of quality, my act of goodness, to repair the damage, so that we might share our happiness together upon its completion.
Within our tradition, a mitzvah is not a good deed. It is a commandment, irrespective of the increase or decrease of my happiness upon performing it. But I do get an element of satisfaction and a measure of happiness upon its completion. We are not promised a life without disappointment. But we are offered a good life.
The Jewish values that most pertain to our lives are the ones in which we are in concert with our families, our neighbors, our communities and our world. Our Holiness Code of Leviticus 19 stresses how we become holy in relation to how we deal in society. The fact that our tradition demands honor, caring and responsibility leads to goodness; whose value rewards us with happiness and contentment. It is our Jewish values that offer sign posts in choosing a life of honor and fulfillment. When we can conclude the day with the feeling that the time was well spent, that we chose well, that it was a time of quality and accomplishment, we can feel a true sense of happiness.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Jewish tradition notes that Shabbat is to be kept kodesh/holy (Ten Commandments). But in truth, Judaism has little that is inherently holy or sacred. We consecrate and make holy objects and time by setting them apart from the ordinary, the everyday. Consecration then is how we separate those times and things we declare sacred from the mundane and ordinary. A kiddush cup is sacred not because of the words inscribed on it or the grapes and vines decorating it, but by the fact that once it is set aside as Elijah’s Cup at the Seder it will not be used for a mint julep on Kentucky Derby Day.
So with Shabbat. We are to remove ourselves from the usual and ordinary to thus consecrate it. Tradition notes that nothing is to be either created or destroyed on Shabbat. In actual terms, then, nothing that we would do the other days of the week should be done as those days are defined by our work, our appointments, our chauffeuring. In our pluralistic world, we might therefore find meaning by our separation from all those “necessities” that pull us in different directions and make demands on our time.
We can celebrate Shabbat in the traditional manner by removing ourselves literally from the outside world and consecrate Shabbat in study, prayer, and camaraderie. We can also make Shabbat kodesh by deciding what is truly important in our lives, those things from which we are removed by the demands of our school or work, and commit ourselves to those self-fulfilling activities on Shabbat, by separating from the ordinary and accomplishing only those things that are self-defining. Sharing time with family and friends, doing those activities that cannot be done on other days would then be a way of making holy the day. If separating from the usual defines holiness, then what is self-defining would be the type of consecratory act that would make Shabbat truly kodesh.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Question: Is it halachically permissible for an observant homosexual/lesbian couple to adopt a child and raise him or her as a Jew in accordance with Jewish tradition?
As a follow-up question, is it halachically permissible for a Jewish school to refuse to admit the children of a homosexual/lesbian couple even though such school readily admits children of homes that are not Shabbat observant.
There are many questions in this teshuva: what is our response to homosexuals/lesbians, who is a Jew, what are the parameters required to be Shomer Shabbat in the modern world? But the true theme should be in responding to the "follow-up" question: in focusing on the individual; namely, the child who needs education to grow as a knowledgable Jew. We discuss the fine points of the status of gays and lesbians within the Jewish community. But in so doing, we too often lose sight of the individual. A Jew should not be defined by his or her sexuality, but rather by his affiliation as a Jew. Ezekiel is told by G-d that the proverb stating that the parent eats sour grapes and the child's teeth are set on edge should not be used "by Israel any more" (18:1-3) No human should be defined, rewarded or punished by the choices of the parent or life mate. Focusing on the parent as to whether they "can" or "should" overlooks the fact that in our world, parents "do". And we, as a community, are responsible to raise generations of literate Jews.Upon birth, we are no longer ubar erech imo (literally: part of the thigh of the mother). We become individualized. And therefore responsible for our own selves. In recognition of that, we, as a Jewish community, are responsible to educate every Jew.
Click here to view all of the answers for this question.
Copyright 2020 all rights reserved. Jewish Values Online
N O T I C E
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN ANSWERS PROVIDED HEREIN ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL JVO PANEL MEMBERS, AND DO NOT
NECESSARILY REFLECT OR REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF THE ORTHODOX, CONSERVATIVE OR REFORM MOVEMENTS, RESPECTIVELY.
